One Nation under Lizard t-shirt

You think this is just a shirt? No. No, my friend. This is a talisman, a sacred banner in the eternal psycho-spiritual trench war against the cold-blooded freaks who crawl beneath the Capitol rotunda whispering Rothschild equations into the air vents of the IRS. This shirt was printed on a malfunctioning FEMA printer found in a crashed weather balloon full of adrenochrome-laced NFTs. Every stitch hums with frequencies banned by DARPA after the Denver Airport Rituals.

They invented traffic, you know that, right? That’s how they measure your compliance — one brake tap at a time. I saw Chuck Schumer blink sideways once in a Cracker Barrel and he knew I saw. Wear this shirt and feel your spine elongate. Your sweat will start to smell like citrus and suspicion.
This shirt won't protect you. But it'll make the abduction worth it.

• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)
• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz./yd.² (142 g/m²)
• Pre-shrunk fabric
• Side-seamed construction
• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping
• Blank product sourced from Nicaragua, Mexico, Honduras, or the US