FEDs ARE LIZARDS tshirt

The Federal Reserve isn’t federal and it sure as hell ain’t reserved — it’s a scaled death cult counting gold with forked tongues and blinking sideways at interest rates they invented during blood rituals beneath Jekyll Island. “FEDs = LIZARDS” is not a metaphor. It’s a battle cry scrawled in red crayon on a napkin in an abandoned Denny’s by a man who hadn’t slept in four days because the eye on the dollar bill started winking back. Every time you wear this shirt, an algorithm hiccups, a senator sheds his skin, and a central banker hisses into his mint tea. Put it on and feel your pulse sync with the national debt clock. You are not crazy. They just told you that so you'd stop noticing the scales.